Well, well, well if it isn’t Subscriber Full Name….

We’re happy you’ve opened the April Fools newsletter because everyone knows what that means! 

…Wait, you don’t know what it means? That you have to hear about my all-time favorite April Fools prank.

Picture this: Grade Four. The most uptight Catholic school imaginable, complete with real nuns. Small-town. My teacher was a stern man with two moods: exhausted and angry.

That just wouldn’t do. We had to intervene.

So, my 22 classmates and I devised the ultimate prank. (To this day, I also wonder how a group of nine-year-olds pulled this off even though I was literally there.)

April 1st. April Fools ' Day. 

Professor Stern-a-lot storms in, glances around, before barking his usual: “Good morning, Grade Four!”

We were supposed to respond. And we did…just without making a single sound. Mouths moved. Not a peep.

His head tilted. Confusion. Another question. More silent, exaggerated lip movements.

He called on his favorite student. She bravely mouthed her response, again with zero sound. We then turned to each other, engaging in an animated, yet utterly noiseless classroom discussion.

Then… it happened. Against all odds, after 8 months… he let out a sound we thought we’d never hear.

Laughter.

Real, actual, joyful laughter. Winter was over! A full-blown roar burst out of him, and we, in turn, absolutely lost it.

Yes, some of us got detentions, but it was worth it. 

What’s my point? This month: Shake it off. Laugh it off. Smile. Giggle. Life is serious enough—when you get the chance to find humor in the unexpected, take it. Make someone laugh and lighten the mood with good ol’ jokes. 

To Tom Foolery!

Seltzer Kings

🏆

Seltzer King’s Pranks

We asked your fave hosts about April Fools Day. Here’s what we got….

“My cousin Kyle thought it would be hilarious to give me dog treats and say they were beef jerky. Of course, I thought I was partaking in some tasty beef jerky. When I started chewing, I got immediately disgusted and nauseous. I ran to the bathroom to expel the gnarly concoction swimming in my stomach: dog treats, pink Gatorade, and half a Snickers. I lost it all. To my shock and horror, Kyle had Suran wrapped the toilet seat, so my explosive regurgitation just bounced off and hit the floor. It still haunts me to this day. You’d think that prank ends there but my mom came home and saw that half Snickers I ate sitting on the rim of the toilet seat and a floor covered in pink vomit and she too, completely lost it. She didn’t even eat a dog treat I just think the disgust hit her right in the stomach. This was and will always be known as “The April Fool’s Incident”  -Zac Fieldsend of Watts Corner 

“Harmless April Fools jokes should be hiding all the silverware, putting Golf on TV then pretending the remote is lost for an hour, saying you met a celebrity at the store, calling your friend/kids, and saying the police just came by looking for them. Those can all be followed up with the classic APRIL FOOOOOLS!!” -Jake Smith of Watts Corner

“The most evil prank I ever witnessed was when I was in the Air Force. A new kid was assigned to the nuclear weapons storage area on his very first night and was handed a metal detecting wand like they use at the airport and told it was a “geiger counter". It was the 80s, what did he know!? He was sent out to a building to check for “radiation”. When he ran it around the room of COURSE  it beeped because it was a METAL DETECTOR. They then spent half an hour spraying that kid with a garden hose to “decontaminate” him. So after that happened… I was never a big fan of pranks,” Dave Bledsoe of What The Hell Where You Thinking?!

If you can tell us something NOT to love about a hat in the spring, we’ll….eat our hats!!!

Seriously though, these versatile beauties complement any outfit, hide a tragic case of bedhead, and give you just the right amount of “don’t look at me, but also… look at me hehe” energy. They do it all, baby.

This is our latest drop(!!!), Podcast & Seltzer (‘cause simply nothing tops that duo) which comes in four distinct styles ranging in many colors. Like, a ton. You’ll be bound to like at least one shade. Promise.

Wanna win!? Great! Reply to THIS newsletter with your favorite April 1st bit. We wanna hear ‘em all!